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Why Even On Your Best Days You’re Still Miserable

30 Oct, 2019

Negative emotions become habitual, but they don't have to become our identity.

I want to talk about how we deal with emotions, or, more specifically, negative emotions as we tend to talk more about our negative emotions than we do our positive ones. However, in order to talk about the negative emotions we experience and the unhappiness we feel, we have to focus on the positive emotions. If you want to learn how to deal with unhappiness, you have to focus on those happy moments and learn how to appreciate and learn from those moments in times of negativity. 

To understand our emotions, we must first understand what emotion is and what controls it. Our emotions start with our own environment or thoughts that can trigger both positive and negative emotions. Once triggered, we perpetuate that emotion, and this can be great when the emotion is positive, but when it is negative, our thoughts will continue to perpetuate our unhappiness. Whether you realize it or not, you are in control of your emotions. 

We all have triggers, and to get past the negative emotions, we have to break away from our mindset when we are in that moment. The mindset that keeps us in our negative thoughts becomes habitual, and you become addicted to it. The negative emotions become you, and you begin to identify with it. 

Who are you if you don’t have this habitual thought pattern to identify with? 

If you want to get rid of negative emotions and replace them with positive ones, you have to find something to replace them with, something you can identify with. 

Discover Your Identity

The first step replacing negative emotions and stop identifying with them is to figure out who you are and what you want. 

Who are you? 

If someone were to ask you, what would you say? Would you say that you are a teacher? Or a Lawyer? Mother or father? A wife or husband? 

Or, would you describe yourself by your own consciousness? 

We need to stop identifying with the roles that we play in life, and instead, identify with who we are deep down. Identify with your true essence. Identify as the witnesser of the events in your life; the content of your life. 

Think about it…

The things that most people identify with, they weren’t those things when they were little or before they were born. 

I’ve talked about content vs. consciousness, and how you can’t have content without consciousness. We get so caught up in the content of our life that we begin to identify with it, instead of the consciousness. You are the life that you are, not the life you are living. 

We need to separate these things. 

Once we do, we can look at our emotions and say, do I really want to feel this way? Do you really want to feel depressed or anxious? No, of course not. 

Let’s start talking about what we do want and what we want to feel. Instead of saying, I don’t want to be depressed, say, I want to be happy. I want to feel secure. I want to feel loved. 

These things are our responsibility to make happen. If we want to get rid of the negative emotions and replace them with positive ones, then we have to make it happen. We can’t wait for the people around us to do that.

Most of us spend so much time worrying about the happiness of others, but we don’t ever worry about how we can ensure our own happiness. We are often the last person that we think about when we worry about making others happy. 

We need to focus on our own wellbeing and learn how to be more present. Allow yourself to deal with your ego, rather than giving it strength by worrying about the future. 

Start talking about the things that you want and how you want to feel. Learn to identify the thought patterns that trigger your negative emotions. Once you learn to identify the patterns and the triggers, you can stop them and begin to replace the negative emotions and thoughts with more positive ones. 

Drop some awareness on your emotions, learn where they come from, and change your mindset. Realize that you are in charge of your life, your thoughts, and your emotions. Figure out what you want and how you want to feel and begin to implement that in your life. 

Take Away

Here is what I want you to do over the next week. 

Next time you begin to have negative emotions, draw some awareness around it.

Why are you feeling that way? Where did those emotions come from? Are you living in the present, or are you worrying about something that hasn’t happened yet? 

When you are in that moment, say the things positive emotions you want to feel instead of focusing on the negative emotions that you are feeling. Give yourself that control to change your mindset and change your emotional thought pattern. 

Get into this habit and discover how it can change how you deal with both positive and negative emotions. 

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  1. Terrance goins says:

    i agree