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How To Forgive Those Who Hurt You The Most

21 Nov, 2019

"If her past were your past, her pain, your pain, her level of consciousness, your level of consciousness, you'd think and act exactly as she does." - Eckhart Tolle

There are people in our lives that have hurt us, and that we perhaps hold resentment against. There are people in our lives who have hurt us so badly we can never imagine getting over it and forgiving them. 

It may sound cliche, to forgive and forget, but it is something that needs to be done. Forgiving those who have done you wrong can be a very powerful move because once you forgive them, you can then allow yourself to move on so they can no longer hurt you. 

When you hold onto resentment and even hatred for another person, the only one you are hurting is yourself. You are wasting your time and your energy focusing on the wrongs someone else did, and things you don’t have any control over. 

The one thing that we need to understand is when we have these negative feelings towards others, we are only viewing the situation from our perspective. 

Eckhart Tolle once said, “If her past were your past, her pain, your pain, her level of consciousness, your level of consciousness, you’d think and act exactly as she does.”

This really stuck out to me and made me realize that we don’t take the time to understand the actions and thoughts of others. We spend so much time blaming others without stopping to think about why they did what they did. People do what they do because they are dictated by their own past conditioning, which leads to habitual thoughts and actions. Most people can only do what they know how to do; what they have learned to do through their own upbringing. 

Everything that you do and every thought that you have, you were conditioned to do by the people who have impacted you and the experiences you have had. This concept applies to everyone, and if we were to live the lives and experiences of the person who had wronged us, we would probably have done just what they did. 

As I think about Tolle’s saying, “If her past were your past, her pain, your pain, her level of consciousness, your level of consciousness, you’d think and act exactly as she does,” it really strikes me. It has allowed me more freedom in my life because it has taught me to let go of some of the resentment that I have been holding onto.

I have held a lot of resentment for my father, who wasn’t there for me like I am there for my own kids. Looking at the situation now, I realize that he did his best. He did what he knew how to do, and perhaps if I had his experiences and lived his life, I would have done the same thing too. I’ve learned that I can resent this and be upset about it, or I can understand it and learn to forgive him. 

When we hold onto resentment, who are we really hurting? Is it hurting the person who hurt you unconsciously, or is it hurting you? Chances are, it is hurting you, so why hold onto it? Most people do not go out of their way to consciously hurt you. We do not consciously hurt people; it happens as a consequence of pain, past conditioning, and habitual thinking. 

How to Dis-identify with Your Thoughts

If you want to move on and learn how to forgive, you must first learn how to separate yourself from your thoughts. We need to take a step back and start to dis-identify with our thoughts. 

Too often, we think that if we forgive, we can’t say that person hurt us anymore, and if you are no longer hurt, then who are you? We hold onto the resentment and are afraid to let go of it because we have learned to identify with it. It is the victim-identity, and we need to learn to let it go. 

If someone has hurt you in the past, whether it be your mother, father, sibling, or friend, you need to let it go, understand that they are coming from a place of pain, past conditioning and habitual thought and forgive them so that you can move on. 

“Don’t let your thoughts run deeper than you. Stop the habitual thinking. The first step in that is to dis-identify with them, your thoughts, and to realize you are not your thoughts. You had to exist before the thoughts, which means you aren’t them.” – Michael Morelli

We are so much more than the thoughts we have. We existed before our thoughts began, which means that they are not who you are, so we need to stop identifying with them. 

Today, tell yourself that you will no longer identify with these emotions and that you are going to let go of the resentment and forgive. You are not going to carry this burden of resentment and remorse anymore. Don’t carry the burden of your past into your future. 

From now on, face the world with only love and compassion towards others, understanding that everything they do comes from a place of conditioning and habitual thinking. Life is too short to hold onto negative feelings and thoughts, and time will soon be running out for each of us. Spend your life making the best of the little time you have. 

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